This is a messy post. I just typed whatever thoughts which come to my mind and hence… please pardon me.
Sunshine arranged a meeting between his family and my family. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss more about our wedding next year. In olden days, this would be done by a matchmaker and is known as 提亲 or to propose marriage. Sunshine wanted to have the meeting at a Chinese restaurant like many others, but my father told him not to waste the money. His family can come to our house instead. Hence, last Sunday, on the 23rd of October 2016, Sunshine, his father and two of his aunt from his father’s side came to my house. My parents and grandma were at my house waiting for them.
Sunshine’s second aunt started the ball rolling and told my parents about the chosen wedding date and asked if they knew/were ok with it. She also asked about the pin jin 聘金。My parents had separately told each other that they would be asking for $2000 and that was the amount which was conveyed. My mum also told them that whatever she takes from them would all be given to me eventually. Sunshine’s side then asked how many tables we want. My father told them it’s up to them to give so Sunshine’s father said six. I was quite shocked as I did not expect this. A bigger shock awaits when my father told them that this is not enough but he would top up for the rest of the tables1.
Sunshine’s aunt also asked about our dialect and after learning that we are Hokkien like them, they said they would prepare some Hokkien sweet treats like 米佬 or something. Somewhere along the way, she would ask Sunshine to note down the things we had discussed so that no one forgets. Haha. Sunshine was the minutes-taker for the day. She also said that since we are Hokkien, their side would be giving me a dragon phoenix bangle 龙鳳镯。When I heard it, I was surprised! In my heart, I was also thinking “noooooo! Mummy tell them I want si dian jin 四点金 instead”! Haha. My mummy did not disappoint me! She requested to have si dian jin for me instead and Sunshine’s aunt seemed quite ok with it. She said we should have an open discussion and not keep things to ourselves. She then told Sunshine to record it down and asked him to bring me to choose something I like! *happy!* This is because all along, I had assumed that Sunshine’s side would be buying me si dian jin like what everyone else is buying/receiving now regardless of their dialect. I rationalised that if I were given a dragon phoenix bangle, I would probably just wear it on my wedding day itself and… maybe when someone close to me gets married next time? However, if I had a si dian jin set instead, I could wear the individual items (consisting of a necklace, a ring, a bracelet and a pair of earrings) on a daily basis if I choose a set which can be used for daily wear. This is better right? Haha. However, as I tend to overthink, I was quite worried(?) about my choice after that. This is my bad habit. Should I have just taken whatever they offered? A dragon phoenix bangle is afterall a Hokkien tradition and that must mean that it is something good also right? Would Sunshine’s family think we are greedy? Am I rejecting some goodwill? Is it bad luck to reject goodwill? Oops! Now I am secretly hoping that Sunshine’s father would buy me a small dragon phoenix bangle during tea ceremony. Haha.
1I was shocked because I had already told my father many times that our relatives would only require maximum five tables! Why did he tell them that it is insufficient?! My father then grew angry later when I told him this later when no one was around. To him, everything mentioned that day was just preliminary and things can just be changed again later. =.= I wanted him to take my wedding seriously! This was not the first time we “quarreled” because he does not remember what I had told him about my wedding multiple times but each time he would just be listening half-heartedly. I was just so mad but I did not want to quarrel with him again. However, my grandma noted that my father would most probably be the saddest person with regards to my wedding. My father also mentioned a few times to me that he would be sad when I get married and leave him to stay in Sembawang, as mentioned in one of my posts long long time ago… =( haiz… On one hand, I am happy and looking forward to spending my life with Sunshine, but on the other hand, I am also sad whenever I think of my parents being sad. Haiz… ='((( !!! *sigh*
Anyway, the list of items we discussed/settled on were:
- The date for guo da li 过大礼
- The amount for 聘金
- The number of tables to be given to the bride’s family from the groom side
- The number of boxes of cakes to be given to our relatives
- The number of cans of pig trotters 猪脚罐 (also a Hokkien tradition)
- Si dian jin to be given during guo da li
- Items to be given by the bride’s family to the groom’s family: towel and ang bao each for parents, grandparents and siblings
- A wallet and a belt to be given to the groom from the bride’s parents
- A ring or ang bao to be given to the groom from the bride’s parents during tea ceremony
- Groom’s side to prepare li ru jin 离乳金 for the bride’s parents to thank them for taking care of the bride till she is old enough to get married
and… so on. I cannot remember all that was discussed! Oops!